Growing Pains

In 26 years of life, I've never felt growing pains quite like the ones I'm having these days. I've felt the pain in my knees, my wrists and my elbows, but it's been a few years since those were commonplace. My growing pains lately happen to be much more pleasant, I'd even go so far as to call them delightful. Once in awhile they're sprinkled with touches of a real, gut-wrenching pain, but pure joy seems to overshadow any sense of discomfort.

These growing pains are not taking place in my joints or affecting my limbs, rather these are growing pains in my heart. Yes, my heart. I never knew that at a certain time in ones' life her heart had to grow, but I tell you what - this heart of mine has been stretched and stretched and stretched some more over the last nine weeks and three days. My heart seems to be making more and more and more room for lovin' my sweet daughter Myka Mae.  As I sit at my kitchen table this morning, my growing pains are acting up more than ever. My sweet girl is sleeping peacefully in her crib, and this Mama is busy counting her blessings. With each one I count, my heart seems to swell a little more.

Sure, I've been told countless times how you just can't describe the love you feel for your child - and here I sit, trying desperately to describe how my heart aches with adoration for that sweet girl. It really does ache, and that's why I feel its appropriate to use the word "pain" -  as backwards as that may seem. My heart aches for her heart - that she would know Jesus and be like Him. My soul aches as I pray that the Lord would use her life for His glory. My eyes begin to ache because they can't bare to close when that beauty is in my arms. My mind aches as I pour my entire being into becoming the best possible Mother for this precious child.

Precious, precious growing pains. Every time my heart grows, it fills right up to the top with love and must make room for more. You see, my heart isn't only making room to love a daughter, it's making room for an ever-growing love for others in my life too. I've never loved Tony like I love him now. In fact, I never knew I could. Everything's different, and yet my love for him grows greater by the minute as I see him love our daughter and love me as Mommy to his girl.

My heart has always had lots of room in it for loving my family, and yet again, with the birth of Myka it's had to make room to love them even more. They're the most devoted, selfless, caring, kind, giving, generous people on the planet. Mom, Dad, Mike, Jenny, James, Diana, Kelsey, Kerry, Ryan, Lynn, Jim - watching them love Myka and love and care for me as a Mommy forces my heart to grow. 

All this talking of growing pains of the heart is really making me achy, but none of those pains compare to the pains I'm experiencing as my heart explodes with a new love for my Savior Jesus Christ. He has graciously allowed me to be a Mom - thank you God. He is gently guiding me in this new season of life. He is pouring new mercies on me every morning. He keeps forgiving me. He keeps teaching me. He is never leaving my side. He always comforts me. He faithfully provides for me. His grace has been more than enough for me. My heart has been the Lord's for a long time, but it's never ached quite like this. His Word has never been so precious and real to me. I've never felt his loving arms wrapped around me quite like I do now. I've sure needed him the last few weeks, and He's been right there - holding this sinful human close and graciously guiding me each day.

"He guides His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently guides those with young." Isaiah 40:11. That promise is for me today and tomorrow and the next day and I'm holding onto it tight. How could my heart stay the same size when my God speaks to me with those tender words?

Alright, time for some Tylenol. Attempting to express my heart has sent my growing pains into over-drive. The sweet baby noises I'm hearing up the stairs aren't helping.