God's Calling

"God has created me to do him some definitive service. He has committed some work to me which he has not committed to another. I have my mission."
John Henry Newman

This quote blessed and challenged me this morning. I have never felt such a strong calling from the Lord on my life until I became a Mom. In the first moments of knowing that God was creating a babe in my womb, I became profoundly aware of the awesome responsibility He was allowing me. No one else can be mom to Myka. In addition, no one else can be wife to Tony. Those awesome responsibilities were given to me by God because I was exactly the person He chose for them. He didn't choose me because I was perfect for the jobs, but because He was perfect in me for the jobs. As I surrender to His call on my life, He will faithfully equip me with all I need.

It's easy for me to listen to the roar of culture above the whisper of God and that can be awfully dangerous. It seems the American Way attempts to diminish the significance of  God's call on a woman's life to be a Mom. There is no one more uniquely qualified than me to be the Mother of my child (by the grace of God). I cannot and will not take that calling lightly. When I read Newman's quote (above), I was reminded that I need to work all the more valiantly at my job as wife and mom. Those are the jobs in my life that God has committed to me and that no one else could ever fill. In any other vocational position I'm in, I'm completely replaceable. In my roles as mom to Myka and wife to Tony, I am irreplaceable.

I trust that the definitive service God created me to do is to be wife to Tony and mommy to Myka. I will make it my mission to give God everything I've got as I serve Him in these roles.

Results of Extreme Sleep Deprivation

Parenting a baby is kind of exhausting. I'm missing a good, long night's sleep, but I also know that there is absolutely nothing sweeter than snuggling a baby in a cozy nursery in the middle of a cold winter's night, so I'm not complaining.

In the midst of our fatigue, Tony and I have had some interesting middle-of-the-night conversations. Don't misunderstand, this is most definitely not a venting session about a lazy husband. Tony is the most hands on, attentive father the world has ever seen. Far more often than not he is changing diapers in the middle of the night, hopping in the shower with a baby covered in poop up her back, or entertaining a wide awake, bright eyed girl from 4-5AM while I snooze. However, some of his less proud moments are too funny not to remember.

I'm nursing Myka, so often times there is little Tony can do to help in the middle of the night. I almost always hop out of bed when I hear her crying, nurse her, and go back to bed. However, there are the nights when she cries a half hour after I just fed her, so I know she's not hungry and I elbow my dear, sweet husband and ask him to attend to our precious bundle. I've had some pretty hilarious responses from a totally zonked out Tony over the last four months...(I should note that before falling asleep, he always assures me he is eager to do anything and everything he can to help in the middle of the night. I've quickly learned that once the guy is out, he's out, and as sincere as his offers to help may have been, he just can't always see them through. :)

Week 1: I wake up frantically trying to find Myka (who is sleeping peacefully in her cradle). I think she is Tony's leg, so I'm grabbing his leg, trying to pull all the covers back, and shaking Tony to ask him, "Where's the baby?" He doesn't even bother to open his eyes when he responds, "I don't know, you had her last."

3 Months: I'm laying Myka down in the middle of our bed at a hotel after feeding her. I ask Tony to move over. He sits up and rambles off something about the Scarlet Letter and then says, "I know you just asked me to do 2 things. One is to turn something down to zero and I can't remember the other." I impatiently respond, "MOVE OVER!"

3 Months: Myka's crying and I ask Tony to go in and give her a pacifier, he responds, "I took way too much cold medicine before going to bed, so I really don't think I can."

4 Months: I go in to Myka's room and realize she has dirtied her diaper, I take her in to Tony and ask him to change her diaper. He responds, "I think it's funny that you go in and get her only to bring her to me" and then falls fast asleep.

4 Months: I wake up to head in and nurse Myka. Tony stops me as I'm at the door and says, "If you're looking for Myka, I have her right here" and then falls asleep as I proceed to the nursery.

These may be way more hilarious to me than they are in written form, but I'm grateful for the memories. I sure do love being a parent with Tony.

Mommy Fears

A dear, old friend who is expecting her first baby posed this question on facebook this morning, "Should I be afraid to bring a baby into this changing world?" Unfortunately, my immediate response is yes, absolutely yes - it'd be a shame not to be afraid to bring a baby into the midst of these tumultuous, uncertain times. Before I was ever even pregnant I spent time pondering these very thoughts. I remember wondering how in the world as a parent I would ever be able to explain some of the evil my future children would be exposed to. I couldn't understand how in the world they'd ever understand the goodness and purity of God in a world so full of sin.

At some point during the precious nine months of my pregnancy, I shared my fear of bringing a baby into the United States in 2011. Thankfully, God brought a wise Mom into my life to give me a Godly perspective. I wish I could give credit where it is due, but I can't for the life of me remember who shared this truth with me.The Mom I was speaking with gently reminded me that before even time began, God planned for Myka Mae Widdel to be born on Saturday, September 3, 2011 in Washington, IA in the United States of America. Before even time began, God had a purpose and a plan for her life at this very moment in time. God knew what evil would permeate our culture, he knew our country would be in the midst of a financial crisis, he knew the influence of media would be inescapable, and still he chose to uniquely design Myka and bring her into the midst of the chaos. 

This world has been full of sin since the fall, but somehow it's easy to think things are worse than ever and that makes it easy to be fearful for the young life that as a Mom you feel responsible for.  I'm more thankful than ever for my relationship with Christ. I'm so thankful that I can know with full confidence that Myka is HIS and He holds her in the palm of His hand and loves her with an everlasting love - that erases my fears.

At the core of my being, I trust that God KNOWS Myka, that he LOVES Myka, and that he has plans for her life - that erases my fears. I have no doubt that God chose and allowed me to be Myka's Mom. He knows I'm only a sinner, saved by grace. He knows my list of shortcomings is long, but he chose me and he will equip me with all I need for this calling - that erases my fears.

I cannot wait to see all that God has in store for Myka. I pray daily that at a young age she will understand God's love and be drawn to the things of God. I pray that she will faithfully serve Him throughout her life. I know that the best way Myka can learn truth is to see it lived out in me. I have been challenged and convicted as I pray for her. In fact, my 2012 New Year's Resolution is to be the woman I'm praying Myka will become.

It's easy to fear the world, but I'm choosing to trust God instead. I'm confident that God wants to use Myka's life to bring hope to this world, and I am honored to be her Mom.

Passages I'm clinging to as Mommy to Myka...
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Oops

For the last couple of weeks, Tony and I have been enjoying a gigantic box of Swiss Valley Farms sausage, cheese, and chocolates delivered to us by UPS. I never bothered to read the shipping label since we receive a similar big ol box of deliciousness every year from my Aunt & Uncle. I wasn't expecting to receive it this year, but was extra excited when it was delivered to my surprise! Last night, as I was returning it to the fridge after enjoying some sort of peppermint cake treat, I noticed the label read "To Norma from Ronald", addressed to house 908, rather than 907.

My sincere apologies go out to dear Norma and my sincere thanks go out to dear Ronald. I'm still deciding what to do about this. Do we fess up? Do we ignore it all together? Do we call Swiss Valley, explain our mistake and see if they'll get Norma what she rightfully deserves? What would you do?

While I'm debating my next move, I may as well return to snacking on all my goodies before they go bad.

Myka's Favorite Guy

The moment I knew a little girl was on the way, I had a pretty good feeling she'd be crazy about her daddy. As each day passes, the little darling proves that more and more. Yesterday I was nursing her up in her room when Tony came in the door from work. He shouted "hello ladies" from downstairs and Myka immediately pulled away, flashed her big, gummy grin and even let out a little giggle. Tony came in the room and baby girl was ecstatic, smiling and giggling like crazy. The sweet babe couldn't even finish eating she was so excited to see her daddy.

One of Myka's favorite activities (and Mommy's too) is what I call "Daddy Gazing." If Tony is in the room, she finds him and can't take her eyes off of him. He is her favorite face to stare at, her favorite voice to listen to, her favorite arms to be held in.

Precious moments.

Dancing to "Isn't She Lovely" in the first minutes after Myka's birth.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me!

Life is so stinkin funny. Tonight had me crackin' up.

I opened the back door to put some trash out in the garbage around 10 and saw little paw prints leading across the porch to the trash can. I'm terrified of all animals, so I decided it was time for the trash to make its way to the curb immediately for garbage day tomorrow. I couldn't stand the thought of even a tiny little creature that close to my door.

I bundled up from head to toe and drug the trash through the snow. I was really enjoying the cold, fresh air, the darling boggs that were keeping my toes warm, and the serenity of the first snow of the year, so I decided to shovel the driveway too. For those of you who know me, that may sound slightly out of character. However, we all know that deep within my soul there's a nature-loving, outdoorsy, hard laboring girl. Apparently my husband hadn't met her yet.

Within a minute or two of my shoveling, the front door opened and out walked Tony in gym shorts and slippers with the camera in hand. His first words were "You've got to be kidding me!" He immediately started snapping pictures of my darling self shoveling away. It didn't seem that crazy until I realized I have never lifted a shovel in our married life. He offered to take over, but I was enjoying the project immensely, so I let him stay on photography duty while I did the heavy lifting. :)

I guess I was going for the Grant Wood look in this pic...cute eh?

Growing Pains

In 26 years of life, I've never felt growing pains quite like the ones I'm having these days. I've felt the pain in my knees, my wrists and my elbows, but it's been a few years since those were commonplace. My growing pains lately happen to be much more pleasant, I'd even go so far as to call them delightful. Once in awhile they're sprinkled with touches of a real, gut-wrenching pain, but pure joy seems to overshadow any sense of discomfort.

These growing pains are not taking place in my joints or affecting my limbs, rather these are growing pains in my heart. Yes, my heart. I never knew that at a certain time in ones' life her heart had to grow, but I tell you what - this heart of mine has been stretched and stretched and stretched some more over the last nine weeks and three days. My heart seems to be making more and more and more room for lovin' my sweet daughter Myka Mae.  As I sit at my kitchen table this morning, my growing pains are acting up more than ever. My sweet girl is sleeping peacefully in her crib, and this Mama is busy counting her blessings. With each one I count, my heart seems to swell a little more.

Sure, I've been told countless times how you just can't describe the love you feel for your child - and here I sit, trying desperately to describe how my heart aches with adoration for that sweet girl. It really does ache, and that's why I feel its appropriate to use the word "pain" -  as backwards as that may seem. My heart aches for her heart - that she would know Jesus and be like Him. My soul aches as I pray that the Lord would use her life for His glory. My eyes begin to ache because they can't bare to close when that beauty is in my arms. My mind aches as I pour my entire being into becoming the best possible Mother for this precious child.

Precious, precious growing pains. Every time my heart grows, it fills right up to the top with love and must make room for more. You see, my heart isn't only making room to love a daughter, it's making room for an ever-growing love for others in my life too. I've never loved Tony like I love him now. In fact, I never knew I could. Everything's different, and yet my love for him grows greater by the minute as I see him love our daughter and love me as Mommy to his girl.

My heart has always had lots of room in it for loving my family, and yet again, with the birth of Myka it's had to make room to love them even more. They're the most devoted, selfless, caring, kind, giving, generous people on the planet. Mom, Dad, Mike, Jenny, James, Diana, Kelsey, Kerry, Ryan, Lynn, Jim - watching them love Myka and love and care for me as a Mommy forces my heart to grow. 

All this talking of growing pains of the heart is really making me achy, but none of those pains compare to the pains I'm experiencing as my heart explodes with a new love for my Savior Jesus Christ. He has graciously allowed me to be a Mom - thank you God. He is gently guiding me in this new season of life. He is pouring new mercies on me every morning. He keeps forgiving me. He keeps teaching me. He is never leaving my side. He always comforts me. He faithfully provides for me. His grace has been more than enough for me. My heart has been the Lord's for a long time, but it's never ached quite like this. His Word has never been so precious and real to me. I've never felt his loving arms wrapped around me quite like I do now. I've sure needed him the last few weeks, and He's been right there - holding this sinful human close and graciously guiding me each day.

"He guides His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently guides those with young." Isaiah 40:11. That promise is for me today and tomorrow and the next day and I'm holding onto it tight. How could my heart stay the same size when my God speaks to me with those tender words?

Alright, time for some Tylenol. Attempting to express my heart has sent my growing pains into over-drive. The sweet baby noises I'm hearing up the stairs aren't helping.