God's Calling

"God has created me to do him some definitive service. He has committed some work to me which he has not committed to another. I have my mission."
John Henry Newman

This quote blessed and challenged me this morning. I have never felt such a strong calling from the Lord on my life until I became a Mom. In the first moments of knowing that God was creating a babe in my womb, I became profoundly aware of the awesome responsibility He was allowing me. No one else can be mom to Myka. In addition, no one else can be wife to Tony. Those awesome responsibilities were given to me by God because I was exactly the person He chose for them. He didn't choose me because I was perfect for the jobs, but because He was perfect in me for the jobs. As I surrender to His call on my life, He will faithfully equip me with all I need.

It's easy for me to listen to the roar of culture above the whisper of God and that can be awfully dangerous. It seems the American Way attempts to diminish the significance of  God's call on a woman's life to be a Mom. There is no one more uniquely qualified than me to be the Mother of my child (by the grace of God). I cannot and will not take that calling lightly. When I read Newman's quote (above), I was reminded that I need to work all the more valiantly at my job as wife and mom. Those are the jobs in my life that God has committed to me and that no one else could ever fill. In any other vocational position I'm in, I'm completely replaceable. In my roles as mom to Myka and wife to Tony, I am irreplaceable.

I trust that the definitive service God created me to do is to be wife to Tony and mommy to Myka. I will make it my mission to give God everything I've got as I serve Him in these roles.

Results of Extreme Sleep Deprivation

Parenting a baby is kind of exhausting. I'm missing a good, long night's sleep, but I also know that there is absolutely nothing sweeter than snuggling a baby in a cozy nursery in the middle of a cold winter's night, so I'm not complaining.

In the midst of our fatigue, Tony and I have had some interesting middle-of-the-night conversations. Don't misunderstand, this is most definitely not a venting session about a lazy husband. Tony is the most hands on, attentive father the world has ever seen. Far more often than not he is changing diapers in the middle of the night, hopping in the shower with a baby covered in poop up her back, or entertaining a wide awake, bright eyed girl from 4-5AM while I snooze. However, some of his less proud moments are too funny not to remember.

I'm nursing Myka, so often times there is little Tony can do to help in the middle of the night. I almost always hop out of bed when I hear her crying, nurse her, and go back to bed. However, there are the nights when she cries a half hour after I just fed her, so I know she's not hungry and I elbow my dear, sweet husband and ask him to attend to our precious bundle. I've had some pretty hilarious responses from a totally zonked out Tony over the last four months...(I should note that before falling asleep, he always assures me he is eager to do anything and everything he can to help in the middle of the night. I've quickly learned that once the guy is out, he's out, and as sincere as his offers to help may have been, he just can't always see them through. :)

Week 1: I wake up frantically trying to find Myka (who is sleeping peacefully in her cradle). I think she is Tony's leg, so I'm grabbing his leg, trying to pull all the covers back, and shaking Tony to ask him, "Where's the baby?" He doesn't even bother to open his eyes when he responds, "I don't know, you had her last."

3 Months: I'm laying Myka down in the middle of our bed at a hotel after feeding her. I ask Tony to move over. He sits up and rambles off something about the Scarlet Letter and then says, "I know you just asked me to do 2 things. One is to turn something down to zero and I can't remember the other." I impatiently respond, "MOVE OVER!"

3 Months: Myka's crying and I ask Tony to go in and give her a pacifier, he responds, "I took way too much cold medicine before going to bed, so I really don't think I can."

4 Months: I go in to Myka's room and realize she has dirtied her diaper, I take her in to Tony and ask him to change her diaper. He responds, "I think it's funny that you go in and get her only to bring her to me" and then falls fast asleep.

4 Months: I wake up to head in and nurse Myka. Tony stops me as I'm at the door and says, "If you're looking for Myka, I have her right here" and then falls asleep as I proceed to the nursery.

These may be way more hilarious to me than they are in written form, but I'm grateful for the memories. I sure do love being a parent with Tony.

Mommy Fears

A dear, old friend who is expecting her first baby posed this question on facebook this morning, "Should I be afraid to bring a baby into this changing world?" Unfortunately, my immediate response is yes, absolutely yes - it'd be a shame not to be afraid to bring a baby into the midst of these tumultuous, uncertain times. Before I was ever even pregnant I spent time pondering these very thoughts. I remember wondering how in the world as a parent I would ever be able to explain some of the evil my future children would be exposed to. I couldn't understand how in the world they'd ever understand the goodness and purity of God in a world so full of sin.

At some point during the precious nine months of my pregnancy, I shared my fear of bringing a baby into the United States in 2011. Thankfully, God brought a wise Mom into my life to give me a Godly perspective. I wish I could give credit where it is due, but I can't for the life of me remember who shared this truth with me.The Mom I was speaking with gently reminded me that before even time began, God planned for Myka Mae Widdel to be born on Saturday, September 3, 2011 in Washington, IA in the United States of America. Before even time began, God had a purpose and a plan for her life at this very moment in time. God knew what evil would permeate our culture, he knew our country would be in the midst of a financial crisis, he knew the influence of media would be inescapable, and still he chose to uniquely design Myka and bring her into the midst of the chaos. 

This world has been full of sin since the fall, but somehow it's easy to think things are worse than ever and that makes it easy to be fearful for the young life that as a Mom you feel responsible for.  I'm more thankful than ever for my relationship with Christ. I'm so thankful that I can know with full confidence that Myka is HIS and He holds her in the palm of His hand and loves her with an everlasting love - that erases my fears.

At the core of my being, I trust that God KNOWS Myka, that he LOVES Myka, and that he has plans for her life - that erases my fears. I have no doubt that God chose and allowed me to be Myka's Mom. He knows I'm only a sinner, saved by grace. He knows my list of shortcomings is long, but he chose me and he will equip me with all I need for this calling - that erases my fears.

I cannot wait to see all that God has in store for Myka. I pray daily that at a young age she will understand God's love and be drawn to the things of God. I pray that she will faithfully serve Him throughout her life. I know that the best way Myka can learn truth is to see it lived out in me. I have been challenged and convicted as I pray for her. In fact, my 2012 New Year's Resolution is to be the woman I'm praying Myka will become.

It's easy to fear the world, but I'm choosing to trust God instead. I'm confident that God wants to use Myka's life to bring hope to this world, and I am honored to be her Mom.

Passages I'm clinging to as Mommy to Myka...
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33